Recently, I have started hating people on the streets. Random people. Everyday people. Normal people who just happen to stare at a smartphone screen, or do groceries on a Saturday afternoon, or have a bit louder conversation.
It comes with lower motivation to go out myself and meet people. I have no desire to go out, do something, anything, take a weekend break, go on holidays, visit museums, have a cup of coffee in the city or even go to concerts.
It reminds me of many embarrassing scenes in my late teens. I hated crowds. I hated people around me. I walked out on many concerts just because I couldn’t see the artist or hated the people around me with surprising intensity. My height of only 1m75 definitely didn’t help. Of course there was more. I didn’t go to festivals for a long time because I disliked mud, rain, general discomfort and essentially sharing the festival terrain with 30.000 people for 3 whole days, and I skipped many stadium concerts because I failed to see the fun in experiencing a concert from a distance, through binoculars.
I outgrew all of it. I will never love people, but for a long time I tolerated their existence, even if that existence was in my vicinity. Being surrounded by people didn’t give me instant violent fantasies anymore. I accepted some conventions and managed to behave.
But recently something changed. I think I am regressing, my old self is taking over again. I’m getting more melancholic by the day, absurdly sentimental, even for my standards, and I consume enormous quantities of old-school Punk, Post-Punk and New Wave. I have ‘Back to the future’ fantasies: I want to go back to save my future, replace my original mistakes with a fresh set. And as I observe the people around me, all of them substantially younger, I think: I don’t know you, don’t even want to know you, go away and leave me alone. But for them, I wasn’t even there. They were minding their own business, looking at themselves on a smartphone screen. A version of a version.Tweet
Wow! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a completely
different topic but it has pretty much the same layout and
design. Wonderful choice of colors! Ahaa, its good conversation on the topic of this article at this
place at this weblog, I have read all that, so now me also commenting here.
I have been browsing online more than 3 hours today,
yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for
me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be a lot more useful
than ever before. http://Www.cspan.net/
Hola! I’ve been following your weblog for a
while now and finally got the courage to go
ahead and give you a shout out from New Caney Texas! Just wanted to say keep
up the great job!